How a heart of stone recognises beauty.

Since getting here I’ve been mocked, my words re-arranged and misquoted and my communication with the rest of the world slandered. It’s been tough at times (no joke) I’ve had to remind myself that this is just a joke so I should take it like a joke.

It’s also been noted a few times that I’m not really an emotionally driven person, and that those things which make many people crumble and cry really don’t affect me.
When I see someone’s baby being passed around a room and cooed over I don’t see beauty. I see a person being treated like an object of interest.
When I see a stray kitten in B.Curri, Albania I don’t see a cute fluffy pet. I see a bundle of fleas and disease.
When someone says “oh isn’t that sweet/cute” I mostly think “no it’s not!”

My sub-conscious response to these things is generally to feel annoyed, scrunch up my nose a bit and disengage myself.

So how do I find beauty?
Let me have a go and see where we end up...

I was the first up this morning and as I got out of bed I stood at the window looking at the view down the street. I’ve looked down that street most mornings since I’ve been here, but this morning I looked up. Now I know that here in Gjakova we are surrounded by mountains and that they look quite nice, but these mountains this morning had something extra for me (just typing this actually dampens my eyes). When I see a well formed rose I see beauty, when I see a vivid sunset I see beauty and when Tina and David (mum and Son) play fight on our sofa I see beauty.

My response to beauty?
A small smile, a sense of awe, a damp eye.