Amsterdam

So this is out of order and I should have written this before the last, but I've been working on it slowly and it's been tough.

The Dam, the actual Amsterdam, the famous tulip growing capital of the low land of windmills that is The Netherlands.

Friday night we turn up, having found a campsite on the web and not really sure what we were gonna do for the next few days except be in the Amster of Dam. Set up tent and got things a little bit sorted, then in to town to find dinner and check out the YWAM base cos it might be cheaper to stay there the next couple of nights.

That's when we realise that again we're just walking in the footsteps of the big guy going ahead, this isn't an unplanned quick visit to see what's happening, we have a purpose and a reason for being here. This weekend is Mission Amsterdam. a colaboration of christians from across Holland, Germany, America and England coming together to reach the lost of this city.

First night: We're holding a Dance party in a Massive old Church just inside the red light. gonna give out some invitations and try to chat with a few people.

Second night: up in North town, over the river, a party in the park with a stage out the back of a lorry from England, a Latvian funk group and still a bunch of crazy christians handing out invitations and desperately praying for doorways into people's lives.

Third night: Going west to the Islamic part of town, a similar style to the night before, this time on the square and with maybe a few more people.

boom. Amsterdam has been missionised for the next year. yea?

No. there's a prayer room in the red light and dedicated believers who reach out, there's local churches and mission focused communities in north town and out in the west a young guy supported by his tired church seeks to plant new church with life into islam centred community.

Well the first two nights I get involved and observe and chat to other people on the teams. Then Sunday night. the local set up team can't make it so I step back into action man sound guy mode. Setting up the stage, connecting wires, speakers, lights and just loving every bit of it, I hang around and talk to the sound guy about which model of desk he prefers and chat to the lighting guy about how he's set up the moving heads. Two hours later I'm sitting at the techy base running things cos the other two have gone for dinner, they get back and the lighting guy decides to take the night off, so I'm on. Out on the streets not speaking Dutch and not really knowing how to start a conversation with someone I probably have nothing in common with I feel lost. But in techy mode and back where I've been so many times, I'm at home and totally loving it.

So to sum up my time in the Amsterdam, I have to say that it is the most beautiful city I've been to. absolutely, no questions. but it's done something to me, I can't think of the city without tears welling in my eyes and incredible sadness flooding through me. We walked through the red light district a few times. We'd heard stories and knew a bit of what to expect but... nothing can prepare you and no explaination can give a true picture. Rows and rows of windows with only one thing for sale and then the broken shadows of men searching for a good time.

So we must pray.

Pray for the Broken lives going through that city.

Pray for the Lives of those in the City.

And Pray for the workers, those giving their lives to bring love and change to the most beautiful of cities.

Home

Well here we are.

Sailing in to Dover, seeing the white cliffs and knowing that English Soil will soon be back under foot is a lovely feeling. The last few days in Amsterdam, Utrecht and then to Dunkerque have been strange, a curious mix of excitment to go home, wanting to make the most of the last few days and then the inevitable questions about what to do when I get back.

And now, We've been back a few days. Having kept it on the down low that we were coming home early it's been nice to have some space to get stuff done, see a few friends and not be overwhelmed by having to tell and re tell the stories to masses of people. Yesterday was one of the best days I've had this summer and although I've had some amazing times and seen some amazing things, just hanging out, loafing around watching youtube videos, getting breakfast, playing poker, chatting and then curry was so nice with that particular bunch of people.

Although getting home and seeing folks is great I feel a bit distanced from things, there's so much that's happening without me and so many new things and people to hear about that I feel completely out of it. and really I don't feel like making the effort to catch up on what I've missed. maybe it's just cos I've got quite a lot of things to sort out and plan and maybe it's just part of getting home after a prolonged absence but I'd love to just keep the friends I had when I went, get back in to an easy routine and plod along for a bit.

Instead here I am trying to end a blog of endings, trying think and dream of new beginnings and not actually getting anywhere with any of the things I've got on my list of things to do.

Thoughts

Time for a bit of mixed muddledness.

Here we are sitting at another campsite, in Jeff cos it’s too windy on the bonnet, listening to a few tunes and I’m just pondering. We’ve just been to Denmark to a few days, I’ve ticked of my 19th country ever and it’s nearly time to go home.

What have I learnt? And have I actually learnt it? Have I made the most of this summer or have I just spent nearly £3000 on a good time? Of course I’ve also been thinking and talking about what happens next, what will I do when I get home and how will the rest of my life pan out?

Really, and I think Steve would agree. We’ve learnt about relationships, that to give time and energy to a person. To listen, to care for, to receive from and to share life is a majorly important way to change lives. We’ve learnt about giving the best (just this morning we read in proverbs about giving the first fruits). We’ve learnt so much and met so many people that to even begin to sum up seems impossible.

And then that ever recurring question... ‘What comes next?’
“you’re 22 you should get some direction, discipline and responsibility in your life”, “you’re young and can do whatever you put your mind to”, “God’s got great plans for you just keep following him” are just a few bits of advice I’ve been given. How do I live a radical God centred life living each day as it comes, being the chess piece I’ve been made to be, plan for the next few years, choose what I’d like to do etc....?

I just get lost with so much advise and choice. Yea I see the validity of most of the points people are making but... that doesn’t help with the day to day of what do I do?

So I’ve got a few ideas and I’ll keep praying, listening and trying to follow that still small voice, but If it doesn’t look like you think my life should go, then, hey, it’s my life and I pray most of all that If I’ve got it wrong God would be shouting super loud in my direction.

What is the Greatest Need?

Here we are in Herrnhut (a tiny village which could be called the birthplace of the modern missions movement), worshiping, praying, chatting and sharing stories with the locals and the permanent guests. We’ve seen so many different places and met so many people that to isolate one bit of learning and experience to one place isn’t possible. We’ve seen how simply being friends is more important than anything and that a place of community and shared life can only work if it then shares life with the community.

So, back in Herrnhut and on the continual journey of seeking God’s path and direction Steve and I go for a walk up the hill. We found a bench just outside God’s acre (the grave yard) and watched the end of the sunset while talking about what direction our lives are going and where God is calling us to work. We pondered some thoughts and quoted from Shane Claiborne’s ‘The Irresistible Revolution’, and remembered that he didn’t look around for where he might be most effective but saw a need and went to sort it out.

To use someone else’s words is often quite useful, so as I have the opportunity to use words re-used by someone else and then to re quote, it’s quite satisfying.
In the film ‘Coach Carter’ this is said: ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness which frightens us. Your playing small doesn't serve the world there is nothing enlightening about shrinking so other people don’t feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do it's not just in some of us it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.’’

So if this in mind we turned our thoughts to Corringham and Stanford and Steve asked ‘when you think of the needs of that area, what is the first that comes to your head?’ maybe it’s the kids hanging around town smoking and drinking, maybe it’s the old lady next door who needs some shopping, maybe it’s the drug dealer down the street, maybe it’s the man up the road needing help with his building project.

When you look at your town/neighbourhood what is the first need that comes into your head? Then ask yourself, what am I going to do about it?

No, you’re not gonna get an answer from me here. Tho I did give an answer and yes I’ve added it to the continual ponderings and influences in the melting pot of muddledness in my strange mind.

Mountains

Apparently there is no universally-accepted definition of mountain. Elevation, volume, relief, steepness, spacing and continuity have all been used as criteria for defining a mountain. In the Oxford English Dictionary a mountain is defined as "a natural elevation of the earth surface rising more or less abruptly from the surrounding level and attaining an altitude which, relatively to the adjacent elevation, is impressive or notable.

But all this debate about what is or isn't a mountain is silly, we've all heard the phrase to make a mountain out of a molehill. Well a molehill could actually fulfil the criteria specified above. However I think a mountain has something special, whatever its height.

So let’s move on to my experience with mountains.
Firstly, having been born and subsequently grown up in the beautiful South Hams of south Devon, I am very used to hilly terrain where each hill leads to a valley and on to the next hill, flat land is either found at the bottom of the valley, at the top of the hill or it must be dug.
I then spent a reasonable amount of time walking on Dartmoor during my secondary school years, which enlarged my appreciation for large lumpy bits of land much of which could possibly be called mountainous.
In 2003 at the ripe age of 16 I visited Iceland with a school trip where we spent most of the time in the mountains, mapping glaciers, playing on snow slopes and admiring the scenery.
I’ve since visited Scotland and walked among the peaks of the Grampian Mountains around Ben Nevis.
Much more recently I’ve seen the mountains of Kosovo, Albania, Macedonia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, Austria, and Switzerland.

I realise this is in danger of becoming a long post but please hang in there.

The rolling hills and shapely valleys of Devon will always have an appeal to me simply because it is the place of my childhood (it’s also incredibly beautiful) but it lacks grandeur.
The snow slopes and glacial U valleys shaping the mountains of Iceland have grandeur, but are let down by the bleak grey and white colouring. The lack of trees leave the landscape stark and though beautiful it lacks a comfortable feeling.
Scotland UK: The majesty of the tallest mountains in “the best country in the world” cannot be denied. They rise from the sea in one sweeping line displaying beauty from the forested base to the rocky summit. However, actually they’re not all that tall.
Kosovo and Albania I will group together: Yes the mountains are twice the size of Ben Nevis and yes they are intersected with blue rivers and stunning mountain roads, but there is still a bare, rugged, coarseness about the whole thing.
Macedonia: gets a mention because we climbed (walked) to the summit of one which noticeably features a rather large cross. These mountains had been dwarfed by roads making them effortless and accessible to all, their majesty had been robbed.
Montenegro and Croatia: Unfortunately these places are merging in my memory, the mountains we passed and which towered from the sea and lakes were tall, majestic and cosy yet still they lacked something.
Austria & Slovenia: I’ve already written about driving these roads. But the mountains in and of themselves were magnificent. The winding road and sweeping corners took nothing from the glory of these towering rocks. As we drove higher the pressure was such that a crisp packet on the back seat burst open of its own accord. These were mountains as mountains should be; Tall, dark and Handsome with a snowy covering to crown them with glory.
But.
Switzerland: Tonight we were driven up a mountain by our host to watch the sunset over the Alps and to admire the glory of the horizon filled with peaks, some stretching effortlessly to over 4000 meters above sea level. The sun sets, the moon rises, the stars come out and we descend through the trees to the lake where the last of the light dances across the water and highlights the peaks on the other side.
These mountains have the grandeur of the Icelandic Mountains, the beautiful lines and forested base of the Scottish might, the majesty of the Croatian skyline, the magnificence and glory of the Austrian Alpine wonders and yet had more. They combined all these wonderful qualities and wrapped them together; they delivered a stunning sunset and then removed great gasps of breath as the trees and lake cushion them in a soft bed.

To Conclude: I love mountains, the taller, grander, more majestic, glorious and magnificent the better, but for them to be surrounded in soft idyll where a city comfortably rests is better than the icing on any cake I’ve tasted.

Pawns, Knights, Rooks and the master player!

The festival is over, the last band has played (well actually the last guy was a beat boxer and he was pretty good!) and the big pack up begins. We swing into action and by 3.30 that morning the sound and light gear is packed, the fencing is down, the staging is stacked up and we turn in for a few hours sleep. Next morning, 8 o’clock we get up for breakfast and then back to the field to finish packing up. Super cool Thomas turns up in the afternoon having taken his son to play at another festival that morning and we re-load the truck!

We talk about plans for next year and how to improve things, pray for and with the guys and then hit the road.

The relentless travel of pilgrims in search of what God is doing across Europe through a few random people. We’d had a few days spare and not wanting to waste time sent out a net of emails asking for contacts in the area. We found a church hosting a week of 24-7 prayer and emailed them to see if they wanted help setting things up. We drove the hour or so down the road to meet these guys and to visit their youth meeting that night. This is gonna be their first week of prayer. One girl who has visited other prayer rooms has collected a couple of friends and inspired their youth group and church to pray. Wow. We rock up into town and having had a little bit of experience and seeming to be walking the talk get an eager audience wanting to hear stories, learn truths and gather thoughts on how a prayer room works, how to fill up the hour and generally what to expect.

The next morning having slept on the floor of one of the guys in the youth group we got back on the road. A brief stop and really only a passing though, but what an amazing opportunity this has been, to be ambassadors of prayer and to leave behind a trace of what we are doing. As we drove away from that place we continued expressing amazement, thanks and awe to a God who puts two crazy English guys, with a weird idea or two into a youth meeting to pray.

Then here we are, at another campsite. Putting up the tent, cooking dinner (this time we cooked from fresh!) sitting on the bonnet and writing a blog. 2moro we drive on to Thun, Switzerland to see the 24-7 community there!

As Steve has been blogging about: We are mere pieces in a giant chess game, Moving as the master moves us, Defending when we need to defend, Advancing when we are needed to advance and standing firm when that is what we must do. Sometimes the action is on the other side of the board but then something switches and we realise that we have been resting in the right place, waiting for the moment we are needed.

Ukrainian Hardcore, the action man DJ and the coolest guy ever!

You what!?

Yea it's a bit of an interesting blog title. In the last few days I've worked harder than I have in ages, ok so I've had one or two fairly acceptable excuses but still this was full on work combined with a lack of sleep.

We arrived here in the little village of Wehen, Taunustein, Weisbaden (Nr. Franfurt) on Tuesday night to find no one in, so we drove down the road leaving a note on the door and craving meat and grease we set out to find a kebab shop. what we found was a busy city, a really good kebab shop and (when we went for a quick wonder to pass the time) a wine festival. unfortunately we weren't really feeling the vibe for wine that night but what a great idea.

Wednesday we slept, drank coffee, did some washing and talked to our host who shared about how this community began, the struggles it's gone through and how it's worked out. It's an amazing story.

Thursday morning: up at 7 cos someone's coming at 8 to get a truck and pick up a load of stuff for the music festival. half 8 comes and we meet Thomas, jump in his car and head of to get a truck. first stop tho is to drop off his 10 yr old son for a band practice (this band play at the festival the drummer is one of the best I've seen, the front man playing lead, rhythm and vocals is amazing. they're no older than 12 but have a stage presence to rival many.), then back on the road listening to tunes he's recorded in his home studio (a completely sound proof room and some super cool gear) and hearing his life is all about his kids, his wife and the music.

A few trips around to pick up truck loads of stuff, up to the festival ground and the big set up begins (well when I say big. the rigging crew and tent erectors seem to be Steve and myself and (when he arrives) action man DJ), by 4 o'clock the day the festival opens we're just about ready. Steve and myself however haven't been so tired in a long time, having slept at the ground for security purposes and been kept awake by lightening and then a torrential downpour that pushed us to sleep in the car.

So action man DJ.

this guy is the last person you'd expect to scratch things up and wind out the tunes; the army boots and tucked in trousers, tucked in t-shirt, long thin plat of hair and flat bushman's hat all point to the conclusion that this is action man. as he helps us put up tents, showing his knowledge of wind power and pegging techniques we little expected what we saw the next day.

Same army boots, tucked in trousers, t-shirt and plat but a black baseball cap had replaced the bushman hat. Here was a cool DJ. as he set up his decks and spun some funky beats I sat in the sun and pondered the old saying: 'you can't judge a book by it's cover'.

So Ukrainian hardcore: Drummer, Bassist, Guitar, a tiny girl singing, screaming and generally producing enough sound for someone twice her size and another Scratch DJ.

It's been a long weekend with some great music, great people and great fun and then they ask: 'Will you come back next year?'

Road tripping!

So that song, 'The Red Hot Chilli Peppers' the first few lines just sum up what life is about at the mo. Road tripping with my two favorite allys, Jeffery and Farquar (hahaha, Steve knows he's on the list too.)

So we drove to Skopje, Macedonia to see our friend Scot Bower and his family to find out what God is doing there with them in that city. We walked, up a mountain and back down, we walked around old town, along the river, past the football stadium (where Spain beat Macedonia that night!) and we walked through the park back to the house. So after lots of walking a bit of praying and some good chats with Scot we decide that it's a good city and that God has some big plans.

Then Thursday morning we packed up and set off on a 6 day drive to Frankfurt. via lake Ohrid, Macedonia, a ridge top Albanian mountain road, the coast of Montenegro, the coast of Croatia, a very brief period in Bosnia-Herzegovina and then on up the coast of Croatia which is marked on the map as a scenic route.

well I knew a little bit about scenary having spent a fair amount of time on Dartmoor, travelled around the Uk and driven around Iceland. But this was breath taking. Every corner, hill and new view drew low whistles and sighs from Steve and myself. we just drank deep from the song of creation (when it says in the bible that the rocks would cry out, I think that maybe they already do. maybe they scream worship and Glory to God in the very beauty they display day in day out!).

So not only the amazing scenary and God given privelige to be here but I also get to do one of my favorite things on some of the best roads! I get to Drive (ok only every other day), I get to drive fast, take corners like they were built to be taken and give Jeffery an Experience any car would dream of. Having shown Steve some proper understeer on a mountainous hairpin I've decided that I really really really love driving and that no matter how many miles I do a quick trip on a good road will bring that love to overflowing!

So here I sit on Jeffery's bonnet, in a Croatian campsite, using a borrowed wireless connection to tell the world (or anyone who happens to read my mutterings) that the sun still shines, the stars are still good and God can be found anywhere.

I had a quick thought earlier about Jonah. How did he ever think he could run away from God? There we were driving down the road and I just realised that it had never occured to me that God might not be there. How awful would it be to go somewhere where God isn't?

Thankyou Miss Tina Aurand for a small insight into what that might be like.

Food+Wine+Camera+Friends=GOODTIMES

Isn’t it odd how we sit and eat together for a social gathering, yet to eat and speak at the same time is quite rude.

Here’s a summary of the last few nights.

The last night with the team here saw us all visit shkuza, the local ‘just out of town’ restaurant that’s a bit nicer than the one in town. We all sat around eating, drinking, taking photos and taking part in some friendly banter.

Tina’s house on Thursday night with Pepi and Erfon, fresh homemade wine, snack type food a camera and everyone up for a laugh.

Out past Peje last night at the best fish restaurant in Kosova, Trout lakes surround the place, the food is amazing, service impeccable and once again a small group of Kosova friends, a camera and the desire to spend time together makes a great evening.

When you go to a restaurant and get food they nearly always bring bread. So we shared a bit, broke some off and passed it around. Then someone got a glass of wine and that got passed around too. Something so simple about remembering what Jesus has done in the most normal settings. Someone still taking pictures and chatting until the bread of wine is passed to them and then pausing to remember.

So we’ve come to the end of our time in Kosova, we leave on Monday to visit the Bower Evans experience in Macedonia for a few days. How can anyone attempt to sum up a month of such variety? How can anyone express the thoughts and feelings of a month in just a few lines? Really I think there is only one way.

Good times. Those ever recurring words of Steve, Tina has adopted the phrase and although it’s only at the conceptual stage I think given the right set of circumstances it may just catch on.

So:
Good times driving down the broad swathes of tarmac with Elliot,
Good times meeting folk here and getting involved,
Good times sitting on the balcony discussing life and its complexities,
Good times preparing for the team to arrive,
Good times with the team, running kids programs, painting the basement, having no water.
Good times in the last few days hanging out with the guys from church, winding up our time here and getting ready (and excited) for the next stage!

Good times!

You are God

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

Sometimes life sucks!

- When a man dies from cancer after the saints have cried out again and again,

- When marriages break down,

- When I spend the day ill in bed,

We've been looking at a different part of the sermon on the mount each day in our morning devotional time with the team here.

When it was my turn we looked at the wide and narrow gates, how the narrow path is better. someone shared out of an experience of a narrow mountain path the day before in Bajram Curri and how it's hard, how you have to watch your feet and keep focused on the goal.

Yes life sucks. the easy path leads to destruction, because it requires no focus and discipline, the hard path brings life; life that is hard, life that requires perseverance, life that needs focus and life that is full.

God doesn't make life easy, God doesn't take us out of the valley, God doesn't tell us every step.

God sits with us through the hard times, God cries with us, God listens to us, God loves us.

Again I've re visited Pete Grieg's 'God on Mute' (it's so nice to read things written out of personal experience) we talks about life being tough and that the bible actually says to expect it to be tough. How is it that although we read these things talk about them and think we've understood, when something goes wrong we're back to square one wondering what God is playing at.

His ways are not our ways nor are his thoughts our thoughts, but his way is right and so I choose to follow although the road is hard, the falls are long and the whole experience is highly likely to be incredibly painful at times.

I read somewhere not long ago that risks should not be evaluated according to how dangerous they are but on how important the result is.

To live is Christ and to Die is Gain!

Right,

We've had an interesting few days. That substance we all take for granted and expect to be there all the time had gone, the taps were empty and the city of Gjakove had gone dry (well when I say dry, the man at the petrol station/car wash still had water and the super market had bottled water and the river still ran). The taps though were very empty and that meant the cisterns were too.

We worked out a routine for getting by; so we could flush, clean and drink, we prayed for water and waited expectantly.

Then big Russ asked the question. Why are we praying for us to have water when the whole city has none? the guys on gypsy street struggle with normal life let alone when there's no water. Why do we still pray more for ourselves and our "needs" than for the world at our doorstep?

So at 8.30 in the morning still fuzzy from sleep and not really wanting to think about it we pondered.

Then I had a thought. Maybe those words of Richard Foster are right, 'Our lack is not faith but compassion....if we genuinely love people, we desire for them far more than it is within our power to give, and that will cause us to pray.'

So when will it be that we genuinely love the people of this world enough to pray for them to have more than we can ever possibly give? When will we move away from our deeply ingrained 'daddy daddy bless me pleeaaasse' Christianity, When will we realise that just to give time and money isn't enough (we need to give all of ourselves)? and actually live in the covenant and great co-mission to be a blessing to all people, to give our lives as a sacrifice and to live in the fullness and Joy of giving ourselves wholly to the one thing that blesses us completely!

Why not actually do it? actually give all of ourselves and run with perseverance the race marked out for us. The road may be narrow and we'll have to watch our footing but the rewards of such a life are rich and fulfilling.

From Trio to Team!

It's been a strange few days!

The team arrived from Thurrock and Norfolk on Weds and as we prepared for them to arrive, bought loads of plates, glasses, food and drink and thought about how the general atmosphere would change I pondered lessons learnt and lessons yet to be learnt simply because sometimes absent minded pondering is the best way for my muddled mind to organise itself.

So then the team arrived! 21 people invading our nice organised house where we can sleep on the sofa, sit on the balcony have a hot shower and not bother about other people getting in the way.

Suddenly the whole feel has changed. Most of these people haven't ever been on a team mission trip abroad (myself included) and the motives, ideas, plans and way of living has turned around. relationships in the team have to be watched, issues dealt with, supplies constantly renewed and still the work goes on.

Basically I'm not sure what I'm thinking, but having really enjoyed the first few weeks and I think connected a bit with the locals I'm now getting into the swing of team mission and how that works. I'm actually enjoying having the team here, with the added challenges and diversity that it brings.

Handbags and Gladrags

I don’t know why, but for some reason I’ve had Streophonics’ Handbags and Gladrags going round in my head today. So I’m trying to think what message I should pick up from this song, I guess the main point of which is to not take things for granted and to make the most of what we have especially when someone else had to work hard to get it for us.

There’s so many things we’ve seen here in Kosova that back up this point and that could drive it home, yet it’s not really a thought I’ve been having. I think I’ve been much more struck by the normality of the abnormal. How do unfinished houses become expected? How do stray dogs and kittens become just something to avoid in the car? How does a family living without running water become just another family? How does a hole in the floor become a toilet? How is it that we so easily become immune to the stark differences from what we are used to and maybe miss the impact it should have?

Perhaps I just take for granted which ever situation I find myself in and get on with life. Perhaps I don’t make the most of my opportunities and experiences. Maybe I should actually take hold of the words that have been spoken by many random men whose lives have been high jacked by God: ‘Pray as though it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on you!’ Maybe I should start living what I’ve been talking about, and turning my dreams into actions.

Gary Jones arrived in Gjakova yesterday with his son Sam and we had a small chat about foundations of prayer from a previous generation clearing the way for us to sow seeds for a rich harvest. Other people have worked hard to teach, nurture and pray for me and my generation, I guess it would be a bit rude not to make the most of the opportunities that come out of that foundation.

I wrote a poem a few months ago that ended something like this:
So I’ll give up my Tv and my books,
Leave my social life habits and my good looks,
I’ll give up my family and friends,
My music and my passions use for God’s ends,
I give up on my dreams and my plans for success,
Cos what God has on offer is the BEST!

So I do really want to live this stuff out, but sometimes it’s just hard to know where to start.

How a heart of stone recognises beauty.

Since getting here I’ve been mocked, my words re-arranged and misquoted and my communication with the rest of the world slandered. It’s been tough at times (no joke) I’ve had to remind myself that this is just a joke so I should take it like a joke.

It’s also been noted a few times that I’m not really an emotionally driven person, and that those things which make many people crumble and cry really don’t affect me.
When I see someone’s baby being passed around a room and cooed over I don’t see beauty. I see a person being treated like an object of interest.
When I see a stray kitten in B.Curri, Albania I don’t see a cute fluffy pet. I see a bundle of fleas and disease.
When someone says “oh isn’t that sweet/cute” I mostly think “no it’s not!”

My sub-conscious response to these things is generally to feel annoyed, scrunch up my nose a bit and disengage myself.

So how do I find beauty?
Let me have a go and see where we end up...

I was the first up this morning and as I got out of bed I stood at the window looking at the view down the street. I’ve looked down that street most mornings since I’ve been here, but this morning I looked up. Now I know that here in Gjakova we are surrounded by mountains and that they look quite nice, but these mountains this morning had something extra for me (just typing this actually dampens my eyes). When I see a well formed rose I see beauty, when I see a vivid sunset I see beauty and when Tina and David (mum and Son) play fight on our sofa I see beauty.

My response to beauty?
A small smile, a sense of awe, a damp eye.

Being Martha

Over the last few days we have been:
Driving people to and from their prayer slots, buying materials to sort out the basement, cooking roast dinner for the church leaders, washing up, fixing the leaky toilet, making people coffee, etc...

I think what I’m trying to say is that we seem to have done quite a lot of serving people in everyday practical ways.

For some reason I’ve been thinking a bit about Martha. You know the one everyone berates in their sermons as being too focused on getting stuff done and not taking time out to sit at Jesus’ feet.
I think all those sermons are wrong!
Let me explain:

Jesus needed to eat, the practical side of hospitality still needed to happen. The problem was not that Martha needed to stop preparing food, doing the washing up and tidying things away. The problem I think came in her attitude to it. Had she been doing it to serve and as an act of worship, she wouldn’t have complained that Mary wasn’t helping. Mary worshipped by sitting and listening whilst Martha’s worship could have been to make a lovely meal, do the washing up, fix the leaky toilet. Instead she chose to moan that she wasn’t being helped. Am I making sense? Both roles are needed, we’re not all the same and we can’t all do the same things, Romans 12 v 1-8 makes this abundantly clear.

I don’t really know where this is going but the blog title isn’t just fancy alliteration. This is a muttering of my muddled mind.

The Storm that Never Came.

Watching the dying day, and the slowly gathering clouds, as the air thickens with humidity a few large drops of rain fall. Unnoticed.

The church prays,

We all join in picture aided prophesy, and the gathering dark and bright flashes of lightening are ignored as God speaks to those who are intentionally taking time to listen.

Suddenly the CRASH, like a giant tea tray falling down heaven's stairway, then the instant deluge as the heavens open, the air is cleared and the storm gets going.

If only,

Unfortunately tonight is limited to a few large drops of rain and an impressive light show, the air thickening as the heat is released from the ground and held captive by the clouds, the temperature rising.

We wait, eat ice cream, drink beer and sweat. Until. Finally the day's heat is spent and a gental breeze off the mountians freshens the city.

What to do?

Those frequently occuring words of Faton Berisha, seem to grow louder as we encounter more of life here and the struggles of reaching out to help.

Here's just a few examples:
- What to do, when you take your rubbish to the skip and a little girl takes the bag from your hand as soon as you get out of the car cos she wants to search it for anything useful.
- What to do, when you're staying on Gypsy Street and the kids are sitting on the wall trying to talk to the crazy English people.
- What to do, when you talk about road names being a curse. Yes burgler road has a problem with theft, who'd have thought.
- What to do, when you try to support the needs of a church reaching out, try to build on what they have, try to enable them to do more and try to get them to own things so that when we're gone it won't flop.
- What to do, when an English team of 25 people come to get involved, yet you know the interaction can't possibly be on a level as deep as when there is only 1, 2 or 3 people.
- What to do, when you see a pastor walking the tight rope between encouraging people to get involved yet preventing them from doing so in order to keep the church true to christ and in line with the bible.

What to do?

We just spent the night down on Gypsy Street in the church's building there, praying, reading and some of us sleeping, It was a great experience; roughing it, setting up the camping stove for a cup of coffee, being mocked for having a petrol stove, a petrol lantern and generally being prepared and mulling over and re organising thought's that have been circulating for a few days.

Last night I re-visited a book I read last yr, It was written by Pete Greig and it's called God on Mute. In it Pete talks about prayer in terms of Easter, using Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday to grapple with the questions of unanswered prayer.
He says. 'Holy Saturday is the no-man's land between questions and answers, prayers uttered and miracles yet to come. It's where we wait - with a peculiar mixture of faith and despair - whenever God is silent or life doesn't make sense.'
I think I spend most of my life around Good Friday and Holy Saturday, screaming questions at God, needing answers and God saying nothing. Yet although God is silent and our questions are unanswered there is still a deep sense that God is there. Occasionaly God seems to speak and something shifts. More often tho, it seems we muddle through desperately hoping that God would have said something if we'd gone too far wrong.

Tell me I'm a heretic and that God speaks to you all the time and Guides you in your choice of Sock. I'll answer with this thought. I'm 22, if my parents told me what socks to wear there would be something very wrong, as I grew up and became an adult I made more choices for myself, yes I still refer to my parents for advice but I don't need them to guide every step of the way. I think God's parenting technique is similar, If we have been following christ for many years and still require our nappies changing something is very wrong.

Just another 24hrs.

WOW!!

20+ hrs of none stop prayer! ending with a 3 hr group prayer meeting where we prayed, listened to God, prophesied over each other and explored what it means to be Christ centred in this place.

I think the strangest thing for me was hearing someone pray in Albanian and the others responding with Hallelujah, amen, praise God, etc... seeing God move but not understanding what is being said. Sunday morning was a similar situation during the sung worship time, The challenge for me is how to engage and join in with what's happening when I don't know what is happening. Pastor Faton is great at translating but it's not really practical to translate everything.

The best of it though is that the people here want to keep the prayer room open, to use during the week, and to pray through the day again.
Thank you God, for an enthusiasm to dig deeper into you which stretches beyond cultural differences and accomplished norms to try out the weird and wacky stuff.

Having said all this. Today was just a normal day: the sun shone, the washing got washed, people laughed, people talked, the cockrel over the road woke us up, and coffee was drunk.

Girls Brigade, Bandits and Prayer

Well, since the other day we have been quite busy. I started to set myself up as an international speaker, learn't a bit of traditional dancing, crossed the Albanian border with some girls brigade, played the spoon game on Faton, went to church, set up a prayer room and begun 18hrs of continuous prayer.

Sound like a busy weekend?

The church youth meeting on Friday night involved a bit of singing, a bit of praying and then me sharing something (fortunately I had been given a day to prepare). So I shared about Planning, how we all make plans for our lives; what we want to do when we grow up etc.. but when we start looking for God's plans and aligning ourselves with them our own plans fade to insignificance. For a bit of biblical content we looked at Jeremiah 29 v 11 and then Romans 8 v 28.

Having done the serious bit we got into party mode, One of the girls had an 18th birthday that day so out came the loud music and odd dancing. I easily slipped into my usual party technique of sitting at the side, saying I don't dance and complaining of a bad knee if an excuse is required. however after a while I decided that the traditional dancing didn't look too bad and I'd have a go (actually it's quite easy but does strain the knee).

Bajram Curri village; surrounded by beautiful mountains, flowing rivers and on this particular saturday rain! Rolling into this town deep in bandit country Albania, with a bunch of regular Kosovas and 5 girls from the girls brigade staying at 'smile' who've come with us for the day, we park up and then go for a coffee. Despite the drizzle a few kids turn up to play games and to chat, then we moved to the church building which is little more than a few rooms in a block of flats (did I mention that the town only gets running water between 3 & 4 am?), we played more games, chatted about why we were there, why the girls brigade were there and then prayed.

I haven't really had time to process the day yet but it was strange to be sitting in the middle of a place that has seen so much pain and struggle and to have normal conversations.

Prayer. This has to be the most exciting part of the weekend!

Sunday afternoon saw us wondering around Gjakove looking for a Kosovan flag to be the focus of an area of our prayer space, having found it we got on with the hard work of turning a concrete basement into a cosy, comfortable space where we didn't understand anything written. Faton and Kajmeline arrived to help with the albanian instructions, then we prayed!

The next installment of thought, pondering and inevitably questions will follow shortly. For now though, the sun is shining and the balcony calls.

Mixed Mutterings

well, having ummed and arred about setting up a blog I have taken the plunge,

Sitting in a Kosova Coffee shop at 6.30am while the other guys went running, pondering life and it's diversity I decided that actually my thoughts may be worth something to someone and I should publish them.

So here I am in Kosova, trying to be active in living a real life that will make a difference in the world yet feeling useless and unable to communicate other than to say good morning, good night, thank you, yes or no and of course makiato.
As I'm writing this slightly depressed mumbling I've remembered our visit to Skivjan last night, where once again the trusty team of young christians take the story of Jesus to the poorest people here. Steve had unwittingly volunteered himself to do the story and as he got the young people involved and Afrodita translated, the story of feeding 5000 people was re-enacted by 3 Kosova kids. The point of the story? Jesus is capable of anything and even if we only have a tiny packed lunch he can feed thousands.
Wow.

So maybe, just maybe, my very rudimentary Albanian and a bit of willingness to get involved, given to Jesus will change something in this small world!